


Emotional Detox

by MortisBane



Category: Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Alcohol, Drinking, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-18 16:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18253802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MortisBane/pseuds/MortisBane
Summary: After yet another successful mission, Thrawn and Eli join Faro for some celebratory drinks.  But by accidentally over doing it, Thrawn shows Eli some of the darker demons that plague him.





	Emotional Detox

If someone had told Eli years ago at the Imperial Academy, that he’d be sharing a drink with the exact Chiss who upended his life, he’d have laughed in their face.  The idea of the reserved emotionless man relaxing, smiling and being a general joy was a foreign concept to him then. But now, after yet another successful mission, when Faro invited them both to share a drink after duty, Thrawn had agreed.

Which lead them to sitting around a table in the corner of the Mess, with two other officers sharing some liquor Faro had gotten while on shore leave.  It was strong stuff, something that burned going in and all the way down but left a warmth deep in your core. Lysatra had some pretty hard liquors he’d sampled in his life, but even this was a bit too much.  Eli had done the first shot with the group but fell back into something much softer he nursed slowly over the night.

Thrawn on the other hand, after boasting about Chiss tolerance to liquor, had been going drink for drink with Faro since the first shot.  Honestly, Eli was impressed. Halfway through the night, when the other two Officers had dropped out, one actually turning in as well, Faro and Thrawn kept going.  Apparently, their prides had been placed on this unannounced drinking match, and Stars, Chiss and their pride. Or, more likely, Thrawn and his pride.

He would have felt bad for Faro, but she’d gotten herself into this mess herself.  And Eli was just along to watch the eventual trainwreck. Five had turned to four, and not long after that it turned to three.  Eli only slightly tipsy, having already switched to water at this point, getting a headache just thinking how Thrawn and Faro would feel in the morning, and trying to prevent his own hangover.

Faro was done, Eli could tell.  Her hand coordination was slightly off, she blinked ten times more frequently than usual, and the occasional slur where there wasn’t one before marred her speech.  It was only a matter of time before she physically dropped, with an ensuing head injury no doubt.

More surprisingly, was Thrawn showing signs of intoxication as well.  While harder to tell, it was obvious to Eli. His head, usually upturned, was lowered, his eye lids seeming heavier on his eyes than usual.  Back hunched just slightly, and he was leaning more weight onto the arms on the table, like he needed them for support.

If Thrawn was feeling the alcohol, Faro might actually be in danger of alcohol poisoning.  It was time to put an end to this. The night had gone on long enough as is, and while they’d had a good time, talking and joking, they were getting into dangerous levels now.

“Alright.”  He sighed, standing from his chair, swiping the empty cups from each of them before they could be refilled.  “Bed time for all of us.” He took their glasses up to the dish collection, and when he’d come back it seemed one of them had agreed with Eli enough to convince the other.  Thrawn was standing now, one hand still rested on the table, leaning into it, Faro stumbling up herself.

“I let myself get a little...a little carried away.”  She groaned, rubbing a hand over her forehead.

“I noticed.”  Eli laughed, closing up what was left of the second bottle and pressing it into her hands.  “Can you get back alright?” She blinked a few times, and shook her head once before nodding.

“Yes, my quarters aren’t far.  Thank you Eli. Good night gentlemen.  Thrawn, you can drink with me any day, no one has been able to keep up with me like...like that in a long time.”  She raised the bottle in a mock toast, Thrawn nodding his head in response.

“Yes, I can say the same.  Perhaps next time we can truly test the limits.”  He had answered, before Eli decided to butt in.

“No, no.  We are not doing that, let’s just get to bed now.”  He placed a hand on Thrawn’s shoulder, giving a light nudge to encourage the man to start walking.  Thankfully, no one protested and the trio left the Mess. Faro turned right with a nod, while Eli and Thrawn turned left.

It was honestly shocking to see Thrawn so loose.  The usually stiff, poised man left his arms hanging at his sides, stride uneven, and head moving around freely while they walked.  Eli filed every little detail away for later, the rarity of the situation not lost on him. The walk back was silent, and without realizing it, he simply accompanied Thrawn all the way to his quarters.  The door swooshed open and despite not leading the Chiss as a support, he still walked inside with him.

“Well, that surly was an experience.  It’d be fun to do again, maybe excluding the little competition you and Faro started.”  He chuckled watching Thrawn shuffle over to his bedroom.

“You noticed that I see.”  He called back, leaving the door open, a silent invitation.  There was a small couch in Thrawn’s quarters, why Eli didn’t know, maybe just something that came with the room that he never bothered to do away with.  For the moment, he was grateful for it. The Chiss continued in the room, plopping down on the center of the sofa, leaning onto his knees.

“Kinda hard to miss.  Every time one of you finished a glass, the other was literally seconds behind.”  He situated himself beside the man, leaving a polite distance between them. Thrawn didn’t respond to his presence, just stared down at the floor.  No doubt his head must be swimming. “It was pretty amusing, I gotta say. Never seen you competitive like that, especially over something so inconsequential.  I bet your head is going to be pounding like drums in the morning.” He laughed softly, leaning on the couch arm, resting his head in his hand.

Thrawn again didn’t respond to him.  He couldn’t imagine the man was embarrassed about this, the emotion seemed below him.  Eli wasn’t even sure why he was still here to be honest, Thrawn didn’t need watched after, he should have just gone to his own quarters after seeing Thrawn off at his.  But part of him wanted to continue the night, for as long as he could.

“D’you need water or any pain killers?  You did drink a lot, or is that another thing Chiss have a leg up on us with?”  He chuckled, still feeling a bit of the tingling buzz of alcohol from earlier in the night.  Yet again, Thrawn said nothing. In fact, he wasn’t really saying anything or moving much since he sat down.  Eli sat up, turning to face the man and froze.

Thrawn held his head in his hands, fingers slightly curled against his skull, head down turned and face obscured from Eli’s view.  His shoulders were hunched, and very tense, as if one touch and he’d explode. And, very, very faintly, he seemed to be shaking. He looked like he was just barely containing something.  Rage? Was Thrawn angry with him? He didn’t think he’d said anything offensive, especially with the Chiss’ usual thick skin. But it was obvious he was extremely troubled.

Mouth open, prepared to inquire, Eli flinched, eyes widening in pure unfiltered shock.  A single tear trailed down the defined blue nose, sliding to the tip and dripping onto the floor below with a silent splash.  A tear? Thrawn was crying? Eli didn’t even know the man  _ could _ cry.

“T...Thrawn?”  Keeping his voice gentle, almost a whisper, he reached out for the man’s shoulder.  Hearing his own name must have gotten to him and snap him out of whatever daze he’d fallen into.  Sucking in a shaky breath, Thrawn dragged his hands from the sides of his head to cover his face.

Eli swore his heart broke.  Thrawn was always the most stable, sturdiest thing in Eli’s life since meeting him.  Nothing knocked him down. Never hindered by softer emotions, took every blow with stride.  And here he was, reduced to tears, or at least tear. And if anything hurt him enough to break him down to this, it ached Eli’s heart.

“Thrawn, what’s wrong?”  His hand making contact with Thrawn’s shoulder, the man flinched under it, but Eli refused to pull away.

“Apologies, Eli.”  Finally, finally he spoke, voice soft, slightly shaky.  Nothing like the even controlled tones Eli was used to. “I seem to of compromised my emotional state with my inebriation.  You should return to your quarters, I apologize to of let you see this.” His words so formal, but his voice so broken. Without a thought, Eli’s mind was made up.

“No, I’m staying right here.  I’m not just going to leave you like this.”  Thrawn didn’t answer at first, hands still covering his face.  “I don’t know about you, but I think of us as friends, and if you’re upset, I’d like to help.”

Silence filled the space between them.  Neither of them moving, tension high, where the situation could go either way with just one word.  Eli waited, breath subconsciously held, trying to listen for the smallest change in Thrawn. With a sound that felt louder than thunder, Thrawn sucked in another shaky breath, and finally turned to look at Eli.  And his heart broke a second time.

Small tear lines etched down his cobalt cheeks, his usually sharp red eyes, soft and seemingly confused as he looked up at Eli.  More emotion was reflected in the Chiss’ face than Eli had seen in all the years knowing him, and it was all hurt. His mouth opened, then closed, not a sound escaping his lips.  Eli gave his shoulder a squeeze, hoping to be encouraging, and that seemed to spur the Chiss.

“Eli, it hurts, it hurts so bad.  About things long dead and yet still, I can’t shake the pain they leave in me.”  The words came quickly, as if all in one quick exhale, taking Eli by surprise for a moment long enough to miss a word or two before his brain caught up.

“What hurts?”  Eli pressed, leaning in closer.  Thrawn watched him silently, as if wary to open up whatever can of worms he kept inside.  “Please Thrawn, let me help.” The Chiss sighed, turning his gaze away, hands holding onto his knees tightly.

“Have you ever been responsible for something, something so terrible it follows you forever?”

Well, that was perhaps a bit more intense than Eli was ready for.  And of course, no he hadn't. The worst thing he’d ever really done was breaking one of his Nana’s vases and blaming his cousin, and something told him this was nowhere near as trivial.  He simply shook his head slowly, not wanting to openly reject the man.

“Years, years later, and I can recall the day with vivid detail.  In my dreams, in the late of nights, in sparse moments alone, with nothing but those memories.  They never leave, and nothing I do, allows me to feel as if I’ve atoned for what I’ve done.” He shook his head, a hand coming up to cover his eyes again, breath shaky in and out.

Eli was at a loss as to what to do.  He’d never been in a situation like this, to comfort someone upset by such deep internal trauma.  It wasn’t something he was knowledgeable about, and Stars knew he wasn’t qualified to try and council someone’s grief.  So, really all he could do was what he would want someone to do for him.

He leaned across the distance, wrapping one arm around Thrawn’s back, the other over his chest and pulling the man into his own chest.  It hurt him to see him so broken, and in this moment, Eli would give anything to make him feel better.

Thrawn tensed in his hold, resting there stiffly for a few moments, most likely processing.  Then slowly, as if chiseling away at marble to reveal the statue beneath, Thrawn unraveled. Relaxing in Eli’s arms, his own coming up and meeting behind Eli’s back.  He laid his head on Eli’s chest, the fabric of his shirt absorbing the salty tears staining the Chiss’ face.

“I can’t take this pain away, Stars knows I wish I could.  But I’ll do my best to help you, try and keep the pain at bay, make it more manageable.  Anything I can do, I swear it.” Thrawn didn’t answer him, content enough to just hold onto Eli as if he were some lifeline.

He carded a hand through the short strands of Thrawn’s hair, scratching lightly at his scalp, the other hand making soft circles on his back.  He couldn’t tell if the Chiss was still crying, but it seemed every minute he held him, the more relaxed his taut muscles became, so he must of been helping.  While his heart ached, it was warm knowing he was doing something to help.

He wasn’t sure how long they sat there, in a tight embrace.  Only moving once to allow Eli to bring his legs onto the couch, Thrawn resting on his chest between them.  But the stuttering breaths eventually calmed to a smooth in and out, the rise and fall of Thrawn’s back under Eli’s hand slowing down with each passing moment.

While it wouldn’t be the most comfortable, Eli was more than happy to spend the night here in this position, if it meant he could keep the dark thoughts away from Thrawn’s mind.  Into the silence, Thrawn finally spoke, his shaky voice a bit more controlled.

“Eli.”

“Yes?”

“Would you mind telling me another story of the Chiss from your youth?”  Such a simple request, but Eli saw through it. Thrawn wanted to focus on Eli’s voice, distract his mind and fully chase away the hurtful memories.  So Eli obliged gladly, choosing some random fairy tail of the Chiss and the Fisherman, reciting it word for word, smiling at how Thrawn relaxed further in his hold.

He didn’t need to know what demons plagued Thrawn’s mind.  If the Chiss wanted to tell he would. But Eli would be more than glad to help the man any time they reared their ugly heads.  He greatly preferred Thrawn in good spirits, proud, and happy.

This certainly was a wake up call for him however.  That Thrawn wasn’t this indestructible, impassive being.  He could be hurt, he could feel pain, and they were just as painful as it was for any of the rest of them.  But it didn’t change who Thrawn was and what he represented. If anything, it made him more real in Eli’s eyes, and while the situation was terrible, it in one fell swoop knocked down the largest barrier between the men.

As the story concluded, Eli glanced down at Thrawn, seeing the man’s eyes closed, face relaxed in the embrace of sleep now.  It was sweet in its own way, seeing the usually sharp face soft with sleep. In their academy days, Thrawn always slept after Eli and woke before him.  Never had he seen the Chiss asleep before, and he found it rather endearing.

Whatever comes by morning, Eli would take it in stride.  Thrawn’s inevitable hangover. The possibility he’d forgotten this interaction, leaving him to embarrassingly explain why they were tangled together on Thrawn’s couch.  Thrawn’s possible rejection, or his embrace of what may have grown between them. He’d be ready. It was slightly intoxicating, to be the one so confident and assured for once.  Though, he’d leave that up to Thrawn more often than not.

He ran his hand through the man’s hair again, enjoying seeing the strands out of their regular order.  With a soft smile, he leaned down, placing a soft kiss to the top of his head, and leaning back trying to get as comfortable as he could to sleep in this position.  Maybe he’d convince Thrawn to massage his sure to be sore neck.

“You don’t have to fight alone anymore.”  He whispered out into the silence of the room.  Closing his eyes and enjoying the warmth of the man in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> I am a weak person and despite sitting on several WIPs, I wrote this because I am a easily distracted. I'll just say this is to tide people over until I finally start finishing my other WIPs. I hope you enjoyed, thank you for reading I really appreciate you all!
> 
> Stay Wizard  
> ~Mortis


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